I was in my 38th week of gestation. Thrill and excitement surged every minute as we all looked forward to welcoming baby#2. I was not expecting an impending storm to come hit us. On 18th November 2022, I had my last growth scan in which the radiologist noticed a mild growth delay. As my first baby was small despite being a full-term baby (she was just 2.01 kgs at birth) my gynaecologist chose to ignore it. One week before my due date (on the 23rd) while returning after dropping my daughter to school I figured something was wrong since I started having contractions. I rushed to my gynaecologist and she could not detect a heartbeat. I went numb. She called it a term IUGR and a fresh death. Those words haunt me till date. My baby's heart had stopped beating in utero. I called my husband and informed him of the developments. After he got to the hospital, labour was induced. I spent an entire day and night in the labour ward listening to other women have their babies. Each one would end with a baby’s cry which reminded me that when mine ended there would not be a cry. Finally, about 50 hours later, on 25th November, 2022, at 10:38 am, I gave birth to my perfect baby boy. He weighed 2.7 kgs and looked like he was sleeping. Me and my husband were still in utter shock and disbelief. That noon, my husband, father, and father-in-law went and buried him. I returned home the very same evening since physically I was totally fine.

For weeks together I would spend nights answering my daughter why did not the baby in my tummy come home and four months later, I conceived again. The past casted a deep shadow over my present. I could not stop myself from trembling with fear at every scan. I was terrified that something would go wrong. I turned to the only source I knew who could give me peace. God. I prayed like never before for ten months, and on 5th December 2023, a year later, my perfect rainbow baby was born. She has filled our lives with joy and fulfilment.

Words of courage - I am sharing this devastating story of mine with the hope that if it helps even one woman get through a tough phase, I will be at peace. Hold onto your faith like your entire life depends on it and good things will happen. It is horribly hard no doubt it but, in the end, it will be worth it.

#theShaktiwithin

(As told by Ambalika Rajesh Iyer)