The Inaudible Hum of You Can Do It

It was in the year 2019 when I thought of resuming corporate. My daughter was 2.5 years old then and just was about to start her schooling. She was completely dependent on me then for her daily routine needs. Having years of experience in corporate did not embolden me that time as I was feeling an inexplicable feeling at the pit of my stomach. I dreaded the juggle between child care and responsibilities of workplace and day by day my apprehension grew stronger. The thoughts kept me awake and I sometimes arose in panic. Though my husband comforted me and encouraged me with his kind words, I couldn’t erase the doubts which were making a nest in my heart. There were a lot of what ifs staring at me, looking squarely into my eyes and shrinking me under their gaze. What if my daughter feels neglected? What if I couldn't do justice to my work? What if everything gets tossed? These thoughts dominated my every waking moment.

I took a deep breath and anchored myself to positive thoughts and followed a theory of one day at a time. Her school started and in about a week, I surpassed my threshold to enter into the corporate world. I had never tasted remote working before and with truckloads of trepidation, I inched my way to learn and grow in my career. My living room became a board room and child care room in a couple of days.

It was very tough at first to deal with work calls, hook my attention to my daughter’s needs and fulfil both her demands and meet the deliverables. Before my first call with the team, I was in a trance. My daughter was constantly following me around, climbing on my lap within minutes of settling her needs. I was straddling one foot here and one foot there, trying to maintain my balance. I had one thing etched deeply in my mind that served as a fulcrum to support me and ensure that I did not fall. That is the idea of setting an example for my daughter by introducing her to the world of mothers, where office pressures and housework go hand in hand. To teach her that she can do anything she sets her mind to only that she should have a voice within her that hum ‘You can do it’.

But as they say expect the unexpected and the most unanticipated knocked our doors, knocking our routine upside down. Within few months, pandemic hit. Covid 19 swept us with a clean swipe, throwing our order of the day into disarray. Online schooling started and my laptop on which my worklife depended on, was passed on to my daughter for her 4-hour online schooling. Having no help around at home (remember maids were not allowed to enter inside the building premises), making her sit in front of the laptop and myself sitting with her to make her understand the concepts, navigate between cooking/household chores, work calls and responding to teacher on screen was a big, big challenge in addition to living in isolation with no one to talk or see.

Words of courage - If I had to take a leaf out of those days, I would say that without a proper plan for the following day, it is impossible to get through the day when you are handling so many things. Women may be excellent multitaskers, but multitasking requires a significant amount of planning.

(As told by Saranya Iyer)