Planning a second child?
8 minute read, Written By: Momly
Are you yearning for infant hugs and new-born’s slushy kisses? Or are you worried about the onslaught of chores like diaper changes and attending to baby’s needs occupying your every waking moment? One moment, you are going over your child’s album making cooing sounds at the image of their first crawl and next minute, you whimper and tsk tsk on the surging school fees and tons of school pre-primary projects that would be unapologetically thrust on you. You might be wondering what is happening with me? Do not worry moms, above symptoms indicate you are confused about having a second child.
A year into having your first baby, you finally feel settled in your new role as a mother and get adapted to motherhood and its responsibilities. But one fine day, out of the blue, a thought strikes and you plunge deeper into the thought of having a second child. You take your baby to a play area and you find your mom friends holding another baby in their arms. You look at them and long for that in your life too. Or if not all these scenarios are making inroads to get pregnant a second time around, your family and extended relatives will not leave you at peace. They will congregate around you in every family function and ask you when you are planning on giving a second good news. You might be rolling your eyes at that moment or sweetly smiling and dismissing their question with a polite wave but the thought of a second baby would just linger a bit longer and refuse to fade into oblivion.
The thought of having a second baby is often sprouted from a simple, emotional reason of providing a sibling or a companion to your first child. In fact, it is claimed as a single most key reason to have a second addition in your family.
Also, women find this factor as emotionally stimulating enough to say yes to a second child. Having said that, deep down if you dig the surface, there are more practical aspects that are vital to know and understand before you even consider opening the book of pregnancy part two.
In this blog, Momly will list down some of the important things to consider while planning for your second child and will suggest ways to deal with second child challenges.
Timing is everything – When you are planning for a second child, age gap is a very important factor. Some parents find it okay to space out their first and second child and some want them to be closely apart like a 2-to-3-year gap. While they have their own reasons, an ideal age gap between first and second born should be between 18 to 24 months. This will give your body to recover from the stitches if any are caused through vaginal tear or c-section, alleviate your postnatal depression symptoms, and prepare your body to welcome the magic of motherhood yet again. Also, children with smaller age gaps feel close to each other and on the other hand, an age gap of 5 or more will make them slightly feel challenged to share their feelings and thoughts with their siblings.
Health is wealth – Going for a second child means making your body go through pregnancy trimesters yet again. As you know every trimester is backed up with a retinue of tests and other challenges like lack of sleep, morning sickness, swollen legs, bloating and pelvic pressure, you need to be mentally prepared to embrace all of them in your routine. In most of the cases, your second pregnancy may look nothing like your first so be prepared to encounter new changes and symptoms. Bottom line – Speak to your doctor before planning for a second pregnancy more so if you are above 35, know what the journey would look like, take a health check up to see your fitness level and get all the clinical details in place so that you lower the risk of complications that pops in your onset of motherhood period.
Financial planning is a key – Finances play an integral role when planning for a second child. Right from baby’s vaccination, diapers, toys and clothes to their school and college fees, you need to be able to afford it at every stage of their growing years. Do not get swayed by family pressure because with this important decision comes financial responsibility. Make sure you are financially secure because you need to have the resources to be able to provide a comfortable life for your child. Fill your bucket first only then you can pour it on your child’s. Consider the rising prices, your disposable income, and changing education trends. If you are planning to send both of your children abroad after school for their higher education, plan on how to account for their fees. Having a second child means it is very important to be financially secure with a steady stream of income and a good investment to cover up the over-the-top expenses so that you will not feel burdened by your own decision of having a second child and it also staves off your anxiety induced by not enough liquidity to float the boat.
Involved parents means happy children – Second pregnancy should be treated the same as your first. It should be welcomed with outstretched arms and a radiant smile. Both the parents should be equally active during the prenatal and postnatal journey of pregnancy. Providing comfort is one thing but being present physically and emotionally should not take a backseat. You and your spouse should communicate before having a second child with respect to parenting goals and how to be present and involved in your child’s life. Above all, both the partners should be on the same page. Even if one disagrees, it will not bode well for your child’s future and the relationships in the family.
Career break, time to reinvent – You might have to take a pause in your job because there would be enough responsibilities back home. With two children, you will have a handful of chores. Seek support from your spouse, a helper, or a family member if you are planning on resuming your work after delivery anytime soon after your second childbirth. Look for options in your office if you can plan on taking leaves to attend to your child’s needs. Talk to your employer and know the company policy of maternity break and corporate programs for new moms. A pause in your career can be filled with learning new courses, or having a side hustle which would not take much time of your day, yet makes you feel productive. Make sure that you are not going on a downward spiral after pausing your career. If you are even facing a slight change in your mental state, talk to a mom friend or seek help from a practitioner to learn healthy coping mechanisms.
Social media Vs Momly
If you think two-time mommies or mom of two children are winging it after scrolling through social media, you barely know their life behind their Instagram grid. It is just that they are trying to strike a chord in their highly discordant atmosphere through frame worthy pictures. To know their story behind their rosy façade that is painted by the underbelly of social media, join Momly, your very own mom community and know the second child's giggles and thunder moments’ through the mare's mouth.
WhatsApp your fellow mom tribe in your women community who can serve you tips on having a second child, throw light on juggling between work and your children’s needs, and most importantly how to keep your chin up on the toughest of days.