Deconstructing Parenting styles

Our parenting style is a philosophy that we carry in our heads and based on which we conduct ourselves before our children. Our behaviour towards them, the way we speak, the body language that we project and the boundaries that we set – everything gets encompassed in our parenting style. There are different types of parenting styles and it is quite okay to use more than one parenting style depending on the circumstances. Our upbringing and ingrained beliefs have a significant impact on the way we parent. Sometimes we change with the times and by engaging with different perspectives, our parenting styles also change. It is vital to understand the positive and negative impact/effects of all parenting styles on our children so that we are more conscious and mindful while raising our children.

Researchers have studied extensively the different parenting approaches and gathered the pros and cons of each of the parenting styles.

The Authoritarian parenting style

This style is a conventional method of raising a child. Here, parents demand that their kids abide by the guidelines they set forth. If children disobey their parents or fail to follow the rules, they get punished. This parenting style is an iron-fisted approach and often generates fear in children’s minds. They operate in deep-rooted fear as a lack of sincerity on their part can cause parents to penalise them. They live in constant terror that their parents would punish them if they don't act sincerely.

Result –

1. Children are exceptional achievers
2. They are not frank about their wants and emotions
3. They lack self-confidence and are often sulky because of the home environment

The Authoritative parenting style

Though the construct of this parenting style is more or less similar to the previous one, it is more responsive and here, parents honour the needs of their children. Children are expected to listen and follow their parents. They have to respect their parents. But if they are not able to achieve the desired result, then parents, instead of punishing or admonishing, show more support and care. Parents communicate in a supportive way to make children understand where they are lacking and show them the direction to improve.

Result –

1. Children are more sincere in their efforts
2. They value their parents’ words
3. They are more confident and happier inside-out
4. This parenting style boosts their social, cognitive and emotional growth

Permissive parenting style

A permissive parenting style is more relaxed. You are not much for rules though you lay them down. In this parenting style, parents are not very strict towards their children’s discipline. There is no disciplinary action or negative reinforcement. Parents are more sort of a friend than parents.

Result –

1. Children lose focus and are not sincere in their efforts
2. They do not show respect for their parent’s words
3. Over-indulgence leads to mediocre results

Uninvolved parenting style: Parents are not much involved in their children’s activities. They are pretty much aloof and do not care what he or she is doing at school or home. There are no set guidelines and the environment at home is very relaxed. Mother and father stay away from the child’s world and do not show much interest in what he or she is learning.

Result-

• · Children lack direction and focus
• · They don’t get proper guidance and support from their parents
• · It can make children meander on a wrong path
• · Their confidence level stoops too low
• · They throw fits and tantrums and are often charged for wrong behaviour
• · Performance in academics and other skills goes down

How does parenting style impact your children?

Your way of parenting has a direct influence on your child. The kind of person your child will become will depend on how you handle situations when there is an outburst or how you manage your own emotions. You are the role model for your child and your child draws a lot from you. You can be authoritative, authoritarian or permissive depending on the situation. In fact, sticking to one particular parenting style will not augur well with children because too much fear might make a child timid and less forceful, while an environment that is too relaxed won't be challenging enough to encourage the child to work harder and develop. Antagonising an uninvolved parenting style is not right because as humans, we tend to snap at our children sometimes and do not pay attention to their needs. Sometimes, we might have had a bad day at work so caring less or not being mindful towards our children’s needs doesn’t make us bad parents. Just that you need to make sure that this parenting style (uninvolved) doesn’t make an appearance in your life too often because that would hinder your children’s growth.

Communication is the backbone of parenting

Even though you juggle between different parenting styles, make sure you don’t miss out on an important element of parenting – communication. Communication provides the building blocks for children to emerge as strong individuals. It helps them connect with you emotionally and develop their ability to empathize with others.

Momly – A course in parenting style?

Momly is a group of women who are at different stages of their life. It is India’s leading platform that brings moms together to discuss, share and learn things/draw insights from each other. The forum is completely safe and unbiased so you can feel free to share your views and seek opinions on them from others. With so many moms on the fore, you get a wide perspective on everyone’s parenting style. They become a ready reckoner for aspiring parents to understand the parenting styles because these moms have tried and tested them with their children.