I had always heard parenting puts a lot of stress on one’s marriage and relationships with family & friends. Parenting is an evolution for a couple that might be individually carrying different parenting philosophies, different attachment styles and their own childhood experiences that drive their thoughts on what they wish to do/not do as a parent. It is a lot of change to undergo and process and the best of us are often not equipped to handle the rush of emotions. Nagging or accusing your partner because of differing styles can take its own toll and one learns overtime to keep this in check. There is a change in friendships too even though it might be temporary – you don’t get to meet often or be included in plans as everyone assumes you must be busy.

Also interesting in an Indian cultural context is raising kids along with grandparents. For your parents, you are still a child even though you might now have a child of your own! There are differing styles and approaches to the most basic of baby’s requirements and aligning to a common approach is not only time consuming but sometimes emotionally draining as well. There will always be a viewpoint on new vs. old ways of doing things that has to be balanced. What then becomes important is to remember that everyone has the best interests of the child in mind. We might agree to disagree on certain aspects, but we intend to move forward with the above principle thereby embracing multiple approaches to ensure harmony in the house.

At the core of it all, is the experience of becoming a mother! It is a loaded word and something that has not sunk in yet even after having myself cut open to bring this life into the world. I still cannot believe what was growing inside me is the same cuteness that we hold outside. It is all very surreal and moments of self-doubt are many! You feel like a failure if you are not able to breastfeed your child. Not being able to nourish the life that you grew from scratch can really kill your self-confidence. Coupled with all the above challenges of differences with your spouse/people around you, it is bound to be a stressful transition as you hit the dumps on self-worth.

The silver lining then becomes this extremely tight support system that allows you to go back to who you were before you became a mother – to go back and have that career. Yes, there are moments in a joint family set up where you crave for boundaries, your space and your unique impression of self – but I am hopeful those will also get fulfilled as the child grows and we get to do more things together and be a child again with her!

I hope I have a positive influence on my daughter and she gets to see me in a light that she loves -a mother who is creative, loves to write, get her hands dirty with plants, bake and cook for her, is good at creating memories and above all is an independent working mother who knows a bit about managing finances – a mother who has her flaws but still to her will be the best mother in the world!

Hope to raise a well-rounded kid

My hope is that my husband & I are able to raise a human being who is reasonably good as us, is loving and respectful, is comfortable expressing her emotions, can stand up for herself and what is right and cultivates a sense of discernment that helps her make the right choices in life! I wish as a girl/woman she develops the strength to face all the challenges she might face because of her gender and live in a more equal world. It is then we would have truly raised a wonderful mind.

(Story shared by Nidhi Sand, our Momly mom)