Mom Friendships - Why do they matter?

Do you have mom friends with whom you can set out on a rapturous laughter? Do you have a cheer squad to cry on their shoulders in case something goes topsy-turvy? Mom friendships, do you believe in them? Why do you think they are necessary in your life?

They say it takes a village to raise a child. While it is very true and has become an age-old belief that existed since eons and for that matter, still continue to exist, the idea that family is our ‘village’ is slowly changing. Courtesy- our changing family structures from joint family to nuclear family, migrations happening from one city to another for better opportunities or changing dynamics in relationship and equation between people in a family etc. And as we grow to acquaint ourselves in a new format of relationships, we sort of getting acclimatised with the idea of ‘mom friendships’ to be our new village.

Pop culture has so many different labels for mom friendships like sisterhood, female squad, mom tribe. Having your own mom tribe offers a non-judgemental space to express and be fully received graciously with same warmth, which in turn have become our coping mechanisms for all things negative. Even though family is thought out to be a strong pillar and a robust support system for moms, it is in the company of moms that we feel high and mutual level of intimacy. Why? More so because to be intimate, one has to go through the same kind of experience and should be exposed to same set of situations, which more or less, is common in the mom tribe.

Going through the same set of challenges of baby rearing, birthing issues, joyous moments of pregnancy, infant thunders and giggles, and other not so upbeat moments of motherhood. The familiarity and acceptance that this village of moms provide is something unmatchable and that’s what keeps one coming back to each other, time and again. You can look out of sorts and dishevelled but still are accepted with love and respect.

Fiction and pop culture makes women friendships desirable

Recent studies also confirm the theory that has been existing in classics and fiction which says friendships between women play a crucial role in relaxing ego boundaries and restoring psychic wholeness. There are enough and more books that proclaim the theory of friendships between women. Jane Austen’s Emma shares one such friendship between Emma and Harriet which at first was purely based on Emma influencing her superior station onto the latter but towards the end it matures to warmth-filled relationship. And then there is Morrison’s Sula where Nel and Sula’s differences did not stop them to be drawn to each other. As the story moves, both find delight in each other so strongly that they find it difficult to distinguish one’s thought from the other’s thought. They sort of become close as they share their strengths and gain comfort in one another. Over the years, it is repeatedly observed in pop culture that women friendships help one thrive and make more connected to their self. Even more than romantics, female friendships are underscored by TV series. Take for example, contemporary tv shows like The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton take every viewer on a friendship roller-coaster ride where they discuss everything under the sun and make everyone crave for such friendship goals, or for that matter Reese Witherspoon and Kidman’s show Big little lies giving an insight on how mom friendships can weather any storm such as domestic violence or even a cold murder.

Do you have mom friends with whom you can set out on a rapturous laughter? Do you have a cheer squad to cry on their shoulders in case something goes topsy-turvy? Mom friendships, do you believe in them? Why do you think they are necessary in your life?

They say it takes a village to raise a child. While it is very true and has become an age-old belief that existed since eons and for that matter, still continue to exist, the idea that family is our ‘village’ is slowly changing. Courtesy- our changing family structures from joint family to nuclear family, migrations happening from one city to another for better opportunities or changing dynamics in relationship and equation between people in a family etc. And as we grow to acquaint ourselves in a new format of relationships, we sort of getting acclimatised with the idea of ‘mom friendships’ to be our new village.

Pop culture has so many different labels for mom friendships like sisterhood, female squad, mom tribe. Having your own mom tribe offers a non-judgemental space to express and be fully received graciously with same warmth, which in turn have become our coping mechanisms for all things negative. Even though family is thought out to be a strong pillar and a robust support system for moms, it is in the company of moms that we feel high and mutual level of intimacy. Why? More so because to be intimate, one has to go through the same kind of experience and should be exposed to same set of situations, which more or less, is common in the mom tribe.

Fiction and pop culture makes women friendships desirable

Recent studies also confirm the theory that has been existing in classics and fiction which says friendships between women play a crucial role in relaxing ego boundaries and restoring psychic wholeness. There are enough and more books that proclaim the theory of friendships between women. Jane Austen’s Emma shares one such friendship between Emma and Harriet which at first was purely based on Emma influencing her superior station onto the latter but towards the end it matures to warmth-filled relationship. And then there is Morrison’s Sula where Nel and Sula’s differences did not stop them to be drawn to each other. As the story moves, both find delight in each other so strongly that they find it difficult to distinguish one’s thought from the other’s thought. They sort of become close as they share their strengths and gain comfort in one another. Over the years, it is repeatedly observed in pop culture that women friendships help one thrive and make more connected to their self. Even more than romantics, female friendships are underscored by TV series. Take for example, contemporary tv shows like The Bold Type where Jane, Kat and Sutton take every viewer on a friendship roller-coaster ride where they discuss everything under the sun and make everyone crave for such friendship goals, or for that matter Reese Witherspoon and Kidman’s show Big little lies giving an insight on how mom friendships can weather any storm such as domestic violence or even a cold murder.

Are mom friendships and female friendships have same level of equation?

Mom friendships go many levels deeper than friendships between women before pregnancy and motherhood, as they not only help unburden the women from the struggles of motherhood and relive the joy of the same but also gives an understanding of the ground that they share with each other, which female friendships minus motherhood find it hard to achieve. Mom friendships are mainly driven by a sense of understanding about the mom goals, the actual lived in experiences of motherhood, engaging sameness and autonomy between two people.

So, what are the great benefits of having mom friends. Let us dig deeper:

Improve psychological wellbeing: Mom friends improve your mental wellness by stilling your mind and consciousness. To be mentally fit and positive, you need to feel good about yourself and that is exactly a highlight of having mom friends in your life. They inspire confidence and encourage positivity through their words and action and your feel-good hormones like dopamine sees a spike. In addition to that, interacting with your mom friends will give you a perspective on how to approach your life, be it with your spouse and family, or with your children.

Enable active social life: Meeting and hanging out with people shuts off all negativity. With mom your mom friends, you can just put your feet up, laugh hysterically about something ridiculous and pointless or go on a weekend getaway trips. Adult interaction is a way to be sane, especially in the world of changing nappies, demanding household chores, putting an all-nighter in finishing mid-schooler’s projects and million odd mom things. That said, hanging out with real friends matters who will see the original you, accept you for you and wouldn’t throw in their unsolicited opinions and judgements on your way. Nothing ruffles feathers more than your friends judging you or making you look a certain way in their light.

Reduce stress and anxiety: When postpartum anxiety hits, women feel kaleidoscope of feelings which is very stressful and challenging to handle. Having a mom friend helps alleviate the anxiety levels and help gain knowledge on solutions to handle postpartum. In fact, mom friends offer truckload of support than your family members. Family members, especially elder members, have perspectives which are overall coloured by their own experiences, which may be not relevant for today’s day and age. Also, sometimes your mom friends are more than just a friend as they don different hats like your sibling, your well-wisher, advisor, agony aunt etc. They come armed with self-care survival kits of desserts, chocolates and hugs to make every possible thing right for you.

Strengthen bond between children: As you bond with the moms who more or less have child/children of your offspring’s age, it is easy for them to start off as friends. Having mom friends gives your child a platform to develop their own friendships. You can even plan on playdates which will give more reasons to hang out not just with your tribe, but also for your children to interact with theirs.

Speedy recovery from postpartum depression: More the actual lived in experiences they share; it becomes natural for you to connect with them easily. And these lived in experiences become an ice to your burning anxiety due to PPD. Having a chat with your mom friends and being in their company beats any service rendered by therapists and specialists. The stories and experiences of postpartum that they have blur into yours, which gives you grip of the situation. They make you feel easy to communicate, let out all the resentful feelings and at the same time, you both can just drift into companionable silence without feeling awkward.

Help connect with your real ‘you’: Here you are stripped-off from the titles like wife, mother and daughter-in-law. You can be just you in the company of your mom friends. Boundaries dissolve in the free-flowing conversations which invites happy feelings in you. Sometimes, to bounce back into your motherhood routine, you need to tap into your inner space, get in touch with the person tucked inside you, covered beneath the titles that marital life has bestowed on you. If that happens even for few minutes in a day, you come out as a new person who is ready to conquer the world of motherhood.

Empower you to grow wings: Mutual validation offers moms a great deal of strength to grow their wings without submitting to hesitation or worry. Working or joining workforce after delivery is a demanding task. With new mom role breathing down your neck, going back to your profession feels heavy. In such times, having a social support network along with your family goes a long way. Mom friendships help you in decision making, have a control on the situation and gives you a much-needed push and helps stave off feelings of anxiety and role strain; all those a main ingredient in your transition.

Ways to make mom friends:

Society garden or parks are a great place to chance into new moms!

Preschools, play group and activity centres add as biggest contributors to build community of moms

Or even better join Momly social network and start making friends with like-minded moms.

Don’t you worry about not having mom friends as on 20th August in Lucknow and 21st August in Bangalore, Momly social is bringing a fun evening of colouring and delicacies, just for you to make new mom friends. So, mommies come, enjoy in high spirits and paint the town red. So, who are your mom friends? How do you spend time with them? This friendship day, Let’s write a message of gratitude for our mom friends and let them know what they mean to us.