I Realised the Hidden Power of Motherhood

I Never Knew Motherhood is Hard

I remember that team lunch very clearly 10 years ago. I was sitting in a fancy restaurant with a proper manicure and pedicure in a beautiful dress and high heels. On the next table was a lady with dishevelled hair, broken nails and messy clothes. We looked at her and my manager said, look at the new mum, probably her first outing with baby and that’s when I noticed the husband walking with the small baby so the wife could quickly gulp her food. This was the first time it struck me that motherhood is not easy.

Until I Became a Mother of Twins

Over the years, trips to meet friends who were new moms made the realisation more vivid. However, when I became a mom, clueless mom of twins to be more precise, I realised the inner power that is inside me which I didn’t know existed. It was not easy to accept that power or to give in to it as that meant leaving the old ME behind and a major growing-up curve within days. I understood it was not all about cuddles and snuggles but also about making life-changing decisions. When my younger twin was 5 days old, he was diagnosed with a condition which impacted his kidneys. It was not easy to pick him up from the OT table, put 2 babies of 1800gms each in a train and travel for 36 hours to get him the best medical care.

The concept of PPD is alien to some men and families, but the sheer power to dive through it and make mind-boggling decisions to get 2 surgeries done with multiple hospital stays within 6 months. The constant judgment by families to the extent of being told that I like to admit my baby to the hospital so I can get some downtime and smiling through it was my power and growth. My husband would stand outside OT alone and I would sit at home with the other baby with my heart in the hospital but smiling and playing with my baby. I learnt I can be a really good poker player if I need to switch jobs. The guts to smile and nod my head when the so-called family turned up at the end of the day how are the babies we didn’t come as you said NO. The decision to move cities as the baby needed a clean environment, switching jobs, packing and settling all alone with two infants took power and will that I did not know I had.

My Babies are Little Champs

Let’s not forget the overwhelming mom guilt that my babies are just in and out of the hospital and other babies are doing so much didn’t make it easy to sleep. However, when I saw my baby laughing, I had to hand him over to a hospital guard or send him home with staff so I could get the other baby treated told me that my babies were champs and survivors. They have picked up the necessary skills to survive already and taught me so much about how to laugh my way through everything and then forget about it.

The Power of Now

I learnt the power of staying in the moment and letting go which therapy couldn’t teach. However, the silver streak was a fellow Mum telling me in the park that my babies are super happy and they know how loved they are. I sleep peacefully knowing that my babies have laughed today so much and felt the love they are surrounded with.

We are Moms, We are Enough

We Mums stress about so many small things and rightfully so however we should never underestimate the power that rises inside us with becoming a mother. We are complete in ourselves as Mum if we can just switch off the noise and follow our hearts and the young smiles.

A Sneak Peek into My Breastfeeding Journey

Breastfeeding is a beautiful roller coaster of emotions. I was the lucky one who had the perfect milk supply with no latching issue. The journey was as smooth as a dream. I remember sitting in the NICU and fellow moms telling me how blessed I am and feeling that beautiful inside that we mums can feel. However, no one told me about how challenging it is to feed twins or the misconceptions around the feeding. The constant comparison with other moms in the family or the audacity to check the pumped milk in the refrigerator to ensure my babies were well-fed was too much for me. The non-stop reminder around my diet took a bad toll to the extent that the supply stopped and I was switched to formula.

A Word to All Moms,

The only wisdom I can share with all of you Moms on the breastfeeding week is to let go of every narrative around you. This is just yours and your baby’s business and no one else has the right to define anything for you. As a mother, your only responsibility is to get the right resources and support group for yourself. Rest is to just trust your babies and enjoy

(As Told by Momly Mom)

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