Moms, Are you feeling overwhelmed?
10 minute read, Written By: Momly
Pregnancy is a blessing and is considered a significant milestone in a woman’s life. Being a mother feels very rewarding and fulfilling experience for one. But many women think that their own individuality recedes in the background once the baby arrives. Many women find it difficult to continue their creative pursuits or the professional work that they used to do before their children arrived. Do you also think your creativity and personal time are lost in the middle of your daily routine with kids? Or do you feel positive enough to state that one can find a balance. We got a chance to explore the nuances of women before motherhood so as to launch a belief in women’s core that they can reconnect with the women they were behind the veil of motherhood.
From time immemorial, women are conditioned to take care of their kids. Even in the times of the stone age, women were considered a sex that nests and nurtured while men used to go hunting. Men were learning how to use tools, and apply them in times of danger while women were more or less confined to their spaces which involved their households and children.
Gone are those days as now women are springing their steps forward to lead and frontline in almost any domain you name. They are more independent and have the power and energy to define their lives on their terms. But even if they seep through and trickle in different fields, shatter the glass ceiling, when they are at the stage of motherhood, the parenting responsibilities fall on their shoulders, causing their creativity and professional work to cripple and shrink under society’s gaze. Even if they wish to continue their aspirations and ambitions, they are troubled by the guilt that is heavily laid on them by the society. More often it is the guilt that makes them swallow every hassle even if they are end of their tether.
When Virginia Woolf exploded in her famous novel ‘ A Room for One’s own’ about what if women get a room dedicated to themselves to make time for, much less nurture and develop creativity, she indirectly encapsulates ‘time, space and consideration’ in the word room. This scarcity in consideration that a women’s individual self is important too in the corridor of parenting is what aches several women.
Momly moms after lot of deliberation shed their inhibitions and opened their hearts to speak about the tumultuous feelings that stifle them every day. The thoughts they vented out got us thinking and nudged us to delve deeper and look a little longer at the motherhood space.
Momly whatsapp group brimmed with messages of moms saying they feel they are not respected enough and their choices and freedom don’t matter to their family members. Some of them sulked and lamented over how times fly by and friends become strangers after motherhood. Some said how crushing the guilt that comes with being a mother, whether working mother or stay at home mother, it is the same. Some said we have become totally a different person with no identity of our own and fond memories once were look as bygones now.
What pisses everyone is not the routine that involves school, lunch boxes, drop and pick ups of children and planning on meals for the family. But the zero regard from the spouse or other family members, for the chores performed, forget about them contributing to the women’s aid. Most of the times women feel left out or lonely in the parenting process. The little or no contribution to the parenting duties snatches the time that they could have spent for themselves, if only there were more set of hands to help her with. Just take a look around any school event, maximum you will see the mothers accompanying the children. You won’t mind as you are conditioned to believe that it is okay to father being absent as he is busy at work. This being absent and little or hardly any regard from the father of a child presses and closes on women even more, causing her individual priorities to dissolve.
Bits and pieces of emotional outbursts and laments gave way to some moms fishing out tips to manage the overwhelming feelings. We thought of putting all of the tips together to make it easy for you. If you are a woman who want to rise above the odds by balancing your interests and motherhood, you are at a right place. Let’s look at each tip:
Set a Me Time for yourself every day – It is women’s tendency to be occupied with their children. Especially if they are too small, every duty falls on the women. But it is very important to pause and slow down. “Go for a walk or practice yoga, chat with a friend, get your nails done or simply do nothing”, says Dolly, Momly mom. And we cannot stop nodding our head in agreement. Yes mumma, you certainly need your me time. Give rest to your anxious nerves and do the thing you always wished for. You can meet your friends once a month or make some new mom friends. “Prioritise yourself”, says Shruthi Kumar, Momly mom. Prioritising yourself is very important as you cannot fill your child’s cup if your cup is empty.
Accept help – Do not hesitate to take help. Lot of times women feel inadequate or face some sort of hesitation to take help. They have these grandiose illusions of being able to do it all. They want to do everything by themselves which eventually leads to burn out, making them bitter and angry all the time. And this gets toxic as it does not augur well with the relationships around them. So, snatch the help that you find from some corner, get the ball rolling without you for some part of the day and come back rejuvenated. By not accepting help, you are doing a brutal disservice to your physical and mental health and you are depriving yourself from connecting with your core. If it means any relief to you, share the responsibilities. Ishita, Momly mom, says, “Share parenting responsibilities with your spouse even if it means changing the diaper once a day.”
Join a course – Motherhood is not a pause in your career nor you have to sacrifice your ambitions to exercise the role of parenting. While some women wear sacrificial hat on their heads or have a sacrificial trait in their personality, it says a lot of their conditioning. You don’t have to duck in for their eyes and follow the same. Also, what if you cannot go for office or work full time, you can work remotely or join a skill-based learning course and utilise your time productively. There are so many options nowadays to work remotely and earn a handsome pay for the part time work. Try learning some course that would boost your knowledge or give a head start to a new career. You can reinvent yourself anytime and motherhood is a best time to do that. Donning a different hat takes time and effort but once it fits you, there is no looking back. So, when you join a course or start something new, give yourself time and not be harsh on yourself. Set realistic goals and expectations and be consistent. And celebrate for the work or jobs you handle along with parenting. Maybe the money that you bring to the table can give boost to your confidence level and make you feel good about yourself.
How can Momly help you find ‘YOU’ in the clatter of parenting?
Momly, your very own women community, is to be celebrated as it has worked out best solution for your simmering tension around motherhood and your individuality. Bringing mom friends to the fore has helped several women who are facing the same tumult as you and some of the moms claim ‘mom friends’ are the biggest blessing in their life.
We have listed out some of the heartfelt messages of encouragement from our mom friends from the community.
“Motherhood is not easy and it takes a toll on women. Do not feel stifled by it instead try some strategies like journaling or setting a routine that involves some ‘me time’ for yourself. Take up some hobby activities like fitness, painting or dance.”, says Dr. Amrita, Momly mom
“Do not expect same result as you when you delegate tasks to your family members. That would deter you from taking any help and you will just end up doing all by yourself. Instead, accept and seek support from your immediate family”, says Chasmeet, Momly mom
“Make new mom friends in your neighbourhood and share baby/mom stories with them”, says Ishita, Momly mom
“Go on a date or a movie with your husband once a month. Leave your kid with some caregiver like their grandparents or someone reliable. This will make a huge difference in your relationship with your partner”, Ishita adds
“Mom friends bring solace to any discomfort and struggle faced by moms. So be open to them and post your struggle or non-upbeat moments in Momly Whatsapp group so that you find support through us”, says Chhavi, Momly mom
And last but not the least, every stage of parenting comes with its own set of challenges. Sanchi sums up saying, “All the women who are in one stage or the other of motherhood journey, you are doing great. If you are feeling low, you will be back in spirits tomorrow. So, chin up and smell the sunshine through your kids’ warm gestures”
With that, Momly community asks you, women folks, to open up, reveal what is there in your heart, and do not bottle up your emotions so that you can learn different coping mechanisms from different moms.Join Momly App or Momly Whatsapp group and get in touch with your mom friends.